The more I think about it, the more I think that the concept of the Last Dispensation was one of Joseph Smith's cleverer ideas.
I realize that it wasn't a complete invention, considering plenty of other Christian denominations believe that the end of times is quickly approaching. But I've rarely seen people outside of Mormondom take that belief so dearly to heart.
The sense of constant vigilance is pervasive in Mormonism. The belief is that the Second Coming of Christ could be at any time and that all the signs are piling up. This gives members the feeling that they're running out of time to achieve their potential. If you haven't repented of your sins and magnified your calling and done your family history by the time Jesus comes, then you've kind of missed the ultimate deadline. You don't want to be the guy that has to say, "Oops, sorry, bro, I was a little behind schedule and I'm not ready." This is why church leaders repeatedly urge us to be prepared.
Ostensibly, anyway.
The real reason we're supposed to be prepared is that when you're in a continuous state of heightened panic for the fate of your immortal soul, you're not taking the time to stop and think about what it is you're doing. Rushed decisions are often bad decisions, and the more the church cracks the whip of a looming apocalypse, the more rushed the members feel. Being part of a perceived last-second full-court press makes people focus on doing instead of on what is being done--and instead of why what is being done is supposedly necessary.
If you run into a building and start screaming that there's a fire and people need to evacuate, a lot of people will start evacuating. In a suddenly high-pressure situation, who's going to wait around to see if you're right? Who's going to question you about how the fire started to see if you're making it all up? The thing you're screaming about is dangerous and you're really selling it, so for their safety, people are going to take your word for it. The big difference though, is that if you evacuate the building because you trusted the guy shouting fire, you've wasted an afternoon...but if you strive for Mormon perfection because you trusted the church, you've wasted an entire lifetime.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Mosiah 25: The Zarahemlan Melting Pot
As all plotlines converge on the land of Zarahemla, ruled by the righteous Nephite King Mosiah, more weirdness ensues. The entirety of Zarahemla, including Nephites, Mulekites, the people of Alma, the people of Limhi, and the disgruntled descendants of Amulon, gather to hear the stories of miraculous escapes from the evil Lamanites.
Convert ALL the Nephites!
Alma begins preaching to the hodgepodge collective of righteous peoples (who suspiciously all happen to be descended from people who weren't cursed with a dark skin). He teaches repentance and tells the people of Limhi that they were delivered from bondage by God (even though this is the first we're hearing of it). And then this totally unrealistic thing happens:
People don't act en masse like that, Joseph. Sure, most people may tend to follow the crowd or go with the flow, but ALL of ANY large group of people RARELY agree on ANYTHING.
Church and State
Do a doubletake on verse 19:
And what power does Mosiah have to give Alma the power to ordain priests and teachers? Alma just organized a church in his own town two chapters ago, which apparently he's allowed to do ever since he gave himself the authority to do stuff. But now, all of a sudden, he needs Mosiah to grant him the power to ordain people to the church heirarchy?
Just the Way Tommy Monson Does It
Verse 21:
Convert ALL the Nephites!
Alma begins preaching to the hodgepodge collective of righteous peoples (who suspiciously all happen to be descended from people who weren't cursed with a dark skin). He teaches repentance and tells the people of Limhi that they were delivered from bondage by God (even though this is the first we're hearing of it). And then this totally unrealistic thing happens:
And it came to pass that after Alma had taught the people many things, and had made an end of speaking to them, that king Limhi was desirous that he might be baptized; and all his people were desirous that they might be baptized also.All his people? All of them? Really? Nobody wanted to be a rebel? Nobody was sick of getting dicked around by an increasingly fickle and petulant god? Nobody said, "You know what, I'd like to think about this for a few days before I rush into a rash decision"?
People don't act en masse like that, Joseph. Sure, most people may tend to follow the crowd or go with the flow, but ALL of ANY large group of people RARELY agree on ANYTHING.
Church and State
Do a doubletake on verse 19:
And it came to pass that king Mosiah granted unto Alma that he might establish churches throughout all the land of Zarahemla; and gave him power to ordain priests and teachers over every church.Whoa...why exactly does the head of state get to give the prophet of God permission to do anything? And it's more than a little strange that Alma is just going along with this considering his recent soapbox speech about how the people should "not esteem one flesh above another" and "trust no man to be a king."
And what power does Mosiah have to give Alma the power to ordain priests and teachers? Alma just organized a church in his own town two chapters ago, which apparently he's allowed to do ever since he gave himself the authority to do stuff. But now, all of a sudden, he needs Mosiah to grant him the power to ordain people to the church heirarchy?
Just the Way Tommy Monson Does It
Verse 21:
Therefore they did assemble themselves together in different bodies, being called churches; every church having their priests and their teachers, and every priest preaching the word according as it was delivered to him by the mouth of Alma.What happened to personal revelation? Shouldn't the different officers and leaders of the church receive revelation from God concerning their stewardships? Why does it all come to them from Alma? That seems pretty suspicious, although I have to admit it's in keeping with the way the current church is run. Everything comes from Monson and the rest of the Big 15, because God doesn't actually talk to the Mormon church—probably because he has nothing to do with it. Which is why all big decisions in the church come from the top, instead of from personal revelation to the appropriate level of leadership like it's supposed to.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Mosiah 24: The Greater Escape
This chapter is pretty much Chapter 22 reloaded. I'm pretty sure that this is the way Joseph Smith wished he'd written Chapter 22 the first time. But once he'd screwed that one up, he couldn't tell his scribe they were going to go back and rewrite it without threatening his claim of divine inspiration. So instead, he simply told a very similar—but improved—story. Here are some key differences:
God is involved. The almost-miraculous escape of Limhi's people from Lamanite rule was entirely attributed to acts of man. But in Alma's story, the people pray for deliverance and are given three miracles. God is depicted as being heavily involved and central to the story.
God speaks directly to his people. Instead of plotting an escape in a very public meeting, the people of Alma are provided with their solution by God, who is probably much better at communicating in secret than that idiot Limhi. Although it seems pretty weird that so many people got to hear the voice of God despite the fact that it's been a while since even a modern prophet made such a claim, at least the story makes sense by itself.
The Lamanites go into a deep sleep instead of getting smashed. Rather than offering the Lamanites extra wine and hoping that none of them had any self-control whatsoever, Alma's people have the assurance of a divine miracle. The Lamanites fall into what appeared to be a temporary God-induced mass coma, which makes it more believable that so many people can take everything they own, including animals, and walk out without getting caught.
God confounded the pursuing Lamanite army. While Alma and his people are fleeing in the wilderness, God informs him that the Lamanites are coming for them. He tells Alma to get the people out of their current location and that he will "stop" them there so that they can pursue them no further. This stands in stark contrast to the absurd events of chapter 22, in which the fleeing people of Limhi, with all their children and livestock and possessions, inexplicably manage to outstrip a trailing Lamanite army by a significant margin.
The other point I'd like to make is that at two different locations in this chapter, Alma's followers attribute things to the wrong people. In verse 15, when God makes their burdens feel light, it says that "they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." That's a little strange, considering that the will of the Lord was only helping them. It's more noteworthy to say that they submitted cheerfully to the will of their evil Lamanite taskmasters. You can hardly be said to "submit" to something that you're totally on board with, such as an all-powerful being doing you a solid when you're in a tight spot.
The second time this occurs is in verse 20, when the freshly-escaped people camp out in a valley in the wilderness. They name the valley Alma "because he led their way in the wilderness." That's a little strange, considering that, based on recent events, you'd think it would be more appropriate to name the valley the Nephite word for "glory to God" or something. It doesn't seem very grateful of such a righteous, humbled people, to, after God sticks his neck out for them twice, name the first place they come to after the man who was simply acting as his mouthpiece.
Even though it's a huge improvement over the earlier story it mirrors, this chapter still has its dumb moments.
God is involved. The almost-miraculous escape of Limhi's people from Lamanite rule was entirely attributed to acts of man. But in Alma's story, the people pray for deliverance and are given three miracles. God is depicted as being heavily involved and central to the story.
God speaks directly to his people. Instead of plotting an escape in a very public meeting, the people of Alma are provided with their solution by God, who is probably much better at communicating in secret than that idiot Limhi. Although it seems pretty weird that so many people got to hear the voice of God despite the fact that it's been a while since even a modern prophet made such a claim, at least the story makes sense by itself.
The Lamanites go into a deep sleep instead of getting smashed. Rather than offering the Lamanites extra wine and hoping that none of them had any self-control whatsoever, Alma's people have the assurance of a divine miracle. The Lamanites fall into what appeared to be a temporary God-induced mass coma, which makes it more believable that so many people can take everything they own, including animals, and walk out without getting caught.
God confounded the pursuing Lamanite army. While Alma and his people are fleeing in the wilderness, God informs him that the Lamanites are coming for them. He tells Alma to get the people out of their current location and that he will "stop" them there so that they can pursue them no further. This stands in stark contrast to the absurd events of chapter 22, in which the fleeing people of Limhi, with all their children and livestock and possessions, inexplicably manage to outstrip a trailing Lamanite army by a significant margin.
The other point I'd like to make is that at two different locations in this chapter, Alma's followers attribute things to the wrong people. In verse 15, when God makes their burdens feel light, it says that "they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." That's a little strange, considering that the will of the Lord was only helping them. It's more noteworthy to say that they submitted cheerfully to the will of their evil Lamanite taskmasters. You can hardly be said to "submit" to something that you're totally on board with, such as an all-powerful being doing you a solid when you're in a tight spot.
The second time this occurs is in verse 20, when the freshly-escaped people camp out in a valley in the wilderness. They name the valley Alma "because he led their way in the wilderness." That's a little strange, considering that, based on recent events, you'd think it would be more appropriate to name the valley the Nephite word for "glory to God" or something. It doesn't seem very grateful of such a righteous, humbled people, to, after God sticks his neck out for them twice, name the first place they come to after the man who was simply acting as his mouthpiece.
Even though it's a huge improvement over the earlier story it mirrors, this chapter still has its dumb moments.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
The Little Children Suffer
My nephew is three.
He's being raised by my firm-in-the-faith sister and her firm-in-the-faith husband. Recently, my sister and her son visited my firm-in-the-faith parents for the week. I dropped by a few times to see them during that time.
My nephew likes Family Home Evenings. He likes saying the blessing on the food. He likes singing primary songs and he loves Jesus. My family thinks that all of these things are cute. Meanwhile, I silently observe, thinking that all those same things are despicable.
He doesn't understand any of it. He insists on having Family Home Evening every week not because he loves the gospel, but because he likes the routine. He says the blessing on the food not because he wants to thank his Lord for the bounty he is about to receive, but because his parents say the blessing on the food--his prayers are mostly gibberish anyway. He loves to sing primary songs not because he wants to worship his Heavenly Father but because he likes to sing whether he knows and comprehends the lyrics or not. And he says that he loves Jesus because he gets such a huge outpouring of parental approval whenever he says it, not because he understands what love is or who Jesus was or why Jesus deserves our love.
My sister thinks he's cute. And he is. But he's also a poster boy for a very ugly brainwashing machine that is probably going to con him into wasting two years of his life and ten percent of his money down the road.
After the discussions my dad and I had about brainwashing a while back, I don't understand how he can't see it. For Family Home Evening, my dad pulled out his iPad and played "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus" for the opening song. My nephew eagerly sang along with it, babbling incoherently through the verses and getting about half the words right on the choruses. Meanwhile, my dad sang along, trying to enunciate carefully so my nephew could understand. When my nephew became louder and more confident during the chorus, it wasn't because he believed what he was singing, it was just because he suddenly knew what he was supposed to sing. How does that not look like brainwashing?
He's three. He doesn't understand. How horrible is it to force that kind of belief on someone who hasn't yet developed the ability to judge the credibility of new information?
And now my sister has another son who will probably share my first nephew's fate.
He's being raised by my firm-in-the-faith sister and her firm-in-the-faith husband. Recently, my sister and her son visited my firm-in-the-faith parents for the week. I dropped by a few times to see them during that time.
My nephew likes Family Home Evenings. He likes saying the blessing on the food. He likes singing primary songs and he loves Jesus. My family thinks that all of these things are cute. Meanwhile, I silently observe, thinking that all those same things are despicable.
He doesn't understand any of it. He insists on having Family Home Evening every week not because he loves the gospel, but because he likes the routine. He says the blessing on the food not because he wants to thank his Lord for the bounty he is about to receive, but because his parents say the blessing on the food--his prayers are mostly gibberish anyway. He loves to sing primary songs not because he wants to worship his Heavenly Father but because he likes to sing whether he knows and comprehends the lyrics or not. And he says that he loves Jesus because he gets such a huge outpouring of parental approval whenever he says it, not because he understands what love is or who Jesus was or why Jesus deserves our love.
My sister thinks he's cute. And he is. But he's also a poster boy for a very ugly brainwashing machine that is probably going to con him into wasting two years of his life and ten percent of his money down the road.
After the discussions my dad and I had about brainwashing a while back, I don't understand how he can't see it. For Family Home Evening, my dad pulled out his iPad and played "I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus" for the opening song. My nephew eagerly sang along with it, babbling incoherently through the verses and getting about half the words right on the choruses. Meanwhile, my dad sang along, trying to enunciate carefully so my nephew could understand. When my nephew became louder and more confident during the chorus, it wasn't because he believed what he was singing, it was just because he suddenly knew what he was supposed to sing. How does that not look like brainwashing?
He's three. He doesn't understand. How horrible is it to force that kind of belief on someone who hasn't yet developed the ability to judge the credibility of new information?
And now my sister has another son who will probably share my first nephew's fate.
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